I Wanna be You
“Get Ready Soon. I don’t want to miss my daughter’s glory moment”, shouted Mr. Singh to Mrs. Singh & their 10 year old shy off-spring Chaanak as they embark upon a 200 km journey to see their daughter Samara representing school in a debate competition. Mr. Singh, a LML Vespa middle-class citizen of 90’s, has hired a Ambassador Car (Yes, it’s a car) for this special moment. For Singhs excluding Chaanak, it was like their daughter was appearing for a Miss India Contest. “Dad, can we go to the Water Park which is on the way?”, asked Chaanak who wanted to divert their attention to everything except Samara. Chaanak was insanely disturbed with all attention diverted to Samara before the event as he felt his parent’s love Samara more than him. Chaanak was at least happy with the fact though he gets to sit in the car which he was so fond of and has been requesting his father to buy one for family but as with all families in India in 90’s, Car was for the growing ones unlike Singh family.
The journey to venue had been uneventful from Chaanak’s standard as Mr. & Mrs. Singh had only Samara to talk about. Due to traffic jam and inexperienced driver, The Singh’s reached the venue late and missed the speeches from students of other schools. “Thank God ! At Least we are not missing Samara’s speech.”, said Mrs. Singh with a sigh of relief. “Thank the Devil“, sarcased Chaanak.
“I now invite Miss. Samara Singh from St. Mary’s Academy to come onstage and present her views on – For the People, By the People, Of the People. She will speak against the motion.” Whatever it meant, it is never going to be interesting than watching Sachin thrashing sixes off Warne. If I have to speak about Sachin, I will also win some prize. What’s the big deal about the topic which is not even a complete sentence, murmured Chaanak in his cloud of thoughts.
Samara enthralled the audience with an excellent speech and exceptionally well oratory skills. The actual debate after the speech was like a war between two teams who will bat first in the match and the matter finally being decided by the Golden rule of gully cricket “One who has the bat, gets to bat first”. The venue was jam packed with about 750 people from 5 different schools of the district and after speeches from all participants, it was time for the result.
“Not Didi, please God. I will not throw milk in the wash basin. I will bath everyday also, please please and ya my sister’s name is Samara in case you are getting lot of prayers from loveless child like me against their elder sisters. Don’t want you to get confused.”, smoked Chaanak in his first honest prayer to god though a selfish one. But prayers are always selfish, isn’t it?
“Samara Singh from St. Mary’s Academy for her bla-bla-bla wins the 1st Prize” the host announces much to Chaanak’s dismay and deceitful feeling from God. Mr. & Mrs. Singh are on 100th cloud to see thundering applause from the audience. Chaanak’s going through mixed feelings here. He suddenly is feeling awesome about the moment Samara is experiencing. She is suddenly spoken about by everyone in the hall. The attention, the applause, the smiles, the glory, the adulation, the praise, the impeccable showering of love from the parents, friends…ooh la la……Haven’t I always wanted it? Moreover, it’s my sister who has done….MY SISTER……
Chaanak is suddenly elated by cheerful atmosphere. He is suddenly so happy about the win. Oh….boy,,,,Isn’t it the same glory which Sachin gets. Is it what the feeling of victory? Is it what people make you feel in such moments? On their return trip, Chaanak winks at Samara n says, “I wanna be you, very very soon.”
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Whenever somebody reads something..thy always search for something which is going to touch their heart..and then..something which reminds them of something which has happened to them.. people find it easy to read and like those instances which thy are able to connect themselves with…
A very beautiful memory Shanky..expressed with most audacious vocabulary…was enough to make me go there and visualy witness the whole scene… the feelings of vroom and thn he getting inspired and tht comparison with Sachin..his role model..and then his Didi..a real life role model.. realising the same at that moment and getting effected and want to become like her… was ofcourse awesumly expressed..
But somewhere wen this transition of feelings was taking place… it could have been expressed with more emotions and empathy… somewhere when he was getting into that mixed feelings…he must be shocked with his own feelings..shocked with the presence of another role model whic he always thought was his enemy in context of getting love from parents…
Rest all I would like to say… that I am still taken by what you have written…. It was more like… I was in the middle of market..physically..but at that auditorium mentally…. loved it….
Thanks for your feedback. However, there were not lot many emotions and empathy as there was no feeling of a new role model. Vroom was 10 years old and Sachin was always the most inspiring one but he didn't know what Sachin felt in the all the glory. Vroom experienced the glory through Samara's success. He felt even humans can feel extraordinary…..and that's began the journey….
Ok.. was more than enough to start his journey towards success…:) n of course.. what sachin felt he never experienced that…
very beautiful story…could relate so many things with this small and simple story…as rightly said by your other friend..the article/story touches your heart all the more when you can relate your experiences and situations with the same..
Pros- The plot is good, the presentation of characters strikes a chord, one tends to believe in the story.The inner meaning shines through.
Cons- I don't know if you did your grammar check or not but several errors have crept in which makes the reading less enjoyable (Eg-The 3rd last line of para 1 which says parent love and several others)
Use familiar names for your characters- "Vroom" is not very familiar for most people. Remember readers can be from anywhere in India.
The construction of certain sentences could have been a tad better.
Thanks Rohit for your feedback. Some of the spelling mistakes are intentional depicting the randomness of the thought. However, some will be corrected as you pointed out. Vroom needs to be changed for sure. Looking forward for a better story next time.
Naive feelings of a kid…:)
But at so many places I found that it could Have been much much better…also there were grammatical flaws…speaking of the tenses basically.. Keep going (y)
Oh that is so beautiful….. exquisite infact.lnnocence of a young boy who suddenly realises his Destiny’s wishes
Well, It was a life changing incident. I can never forget that.
The plot could have been put differently to make it appealing… Since it is simple, it should have something which should attract
The beauty of the story writing is that it gives freedom to the author to experiment on the whole ground, but at the same time, it is mandate for the author to be able to portray his thinking in a comprehensible manner…
also, the characters have to be in place… Here, Vroom and Samara does not go well together… While readers may feel disconnected with ‘Vroom’, Singh family naming their son as Vroom and daughter as ‘samara’ is even harder to gulp… It is not a good idea to have open ends…let the reader be forced to imagine what you want him to imagine and not the otherwise!
But overall, Nice attempt!
Keep writing 🙂